9 weeks into term and i am FINALLY feeling semi-ready to study and work hard. i went to the library to do real work twice this week. I guess it's a good thing i decided to ease myself back into school this quarter 'cause I've been able to get away with slacking at school so far.

either way i am supersupersuper excited to go home! i haven't been to malaysia in a whole year - the longest i've ever been away. yes yes i still consider malaysia home, at least in the intrinsic sort of way even though i have probably deeper connections to london and stanford right now.

thanksgiving break with my family was much needed. it's so good to get some perspective in life and there is no better way to do it than chilling on the couch with nothing* to do. less than 2 weeks till i go home. hopefully my current work ethic can maintain till then.

* or at least the illusion of nothing

london diaries
day 4 - my favourite kind of day

i could be in london - quite possibly the most exciting/interesting city in the world, many people would probably KILL for a day in london - but today i didn't leave the house. my excuse? too cold and wet.
alternating between my pjs and my sweats (depending on how cold it was) and taking two naps, today was really really perfect.
i love lazy days. <3

london diaries
day 3 - topshop adventures

two hour appointment with a style adviser at topshop.
basically you tell her your size, what you're looking for and then she goes off and finds stuff for you.
side note: topshop is 3 stories high and as huge as a department store so they have basically EVERYTHING

she picked out a lot of things which i would never consider trying. some were good... some were uh... NO!

things i bought that she picked out for me - 1 swanky black dress ("you look like catherine zeta jones" my mum says very kindly), 1 purple scarf
things i bought that i picked out on my own - blue and silver dress
things my mum bought that the stylist picked out for me, but my mum liked more - 1 red coat, 1 t-shirt, 1 frilly pink top
and then my mum and sister bought a whole bunch of other things we kind of had a crazy shopping trip. even though it was my bday shopping trip they both ended up buying more.

verdict: it was definitely fun but my sister and i decided we are much more fixed in what we like to wear and what we don't like to wear.
my mum LOVED everything the stylist picked out and if she got her own style advisor she would definitely go crazy.

i want to be a style advisor

london diaries
day 2 - "birthday funday"

belated birthday surprises planned by my family.

1. present in the car on the way to church
a. topshop gift voucher and 2 hour consultation at topshop with a personal style advisor
b. helium balloon which flew away into the rain when we opened the car door the end of the day
c. jamie oliver cookbook

2. lunch @ maze
restaurant of gordon ramsay's protege

3. night ride on the london eye
so amazing

for a cold and raining day in london - yes very typical london weather - it was amazing

the london diaries

day 2 - awake at 5am

well it's technically 6:34am now but i woke up at 5am :( i guess it could be worse. six hours of sleep is pretty good. too bad i'm probably going to need a lot of energy for "birthday surprise day" as my sister calls it.

the london diaries
Day 1

amusing to think I am thousands of miles away from where I was yesterday at this time but not much else has changed - i'm still curled up in bed with my longtime bed companion: my macbook.

i've just woken up from a 3 hour nap and I am completely exhausted and dying to go back to sleep. i unluckily got stuck in the middle seat on the plane: stupid virgin atlantic, and then the irony of ironies was that I fell asleep before the plane even took off and continued to sleep for the next... 57 minutes and that was it. the only sleep i got on the 10 hr and 30 minute flight was the very first 58 minutes.

the rest of the time killed: attempting to sleep and watching the many movies on the plane. Knocked Up - bad, generic, boring
A Mighty Heart - surprisingly good considering i don't really like movies with depressing endings
and then the usual House & CSI

London is cold and grey, so what else is new? I've spent most of my time so far sleeping, so really what else is new? either way... it's good to be back.

funniest birthday messages

"Hey, happy happy 21st birthday wen. But don't drink 2 much. Will call tomo as u r prob asleep n i m off 2 bed. Love u lots."
7:24 am 11/11/07
text message from my mum
LOL

"dear life partner,
i still have our costco card. i'm going to hold it hostage until after your birthday. unfortunately, that might just mean that ryan will have to take over costco sunday duties. so sad--tisktisk.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!"
12:55am 11/11/07
facebook wallpost from sarah

"happy birthday lil! now you don't have to borrow my id anymore~
can we still be friends?
i love you!"
11:24am 11/11/07
facebook wallpost from amy

"HAPPPPPPY BIRTHDAY TELL ME WENDI GOHHH... I HOPE YOU LIKED YOUR BHANGRA LAP DANCE"
1:01pm 11/11/07
facebook wallpost from salima
it was a great lap dance

"it was your birthday? DOh sorry other lover... i'll have to make it up to you ;) shhh dont tell ying ying!"
8:26am 11/14/07
facebook wallpost from phillip

i am so close to home. in less then 3 days i am going to be on a plane to london. in a little over a month i get to be in malaysia for the first time in nearly a year.
i wish i didn't live so far away from home.
i love my life at school but sometimes i wish i could just get into my car after class and drive home for dinner. watch tv on the couch and sleep in my own room.

three. more. days.

i am obsessed with this jay chou song... 千里之外 faraway


i've listened to it 25+ times tonight. the lyrics don't even make that much sense to me but... i like it all the same.

turning twentyone is definitely not as big of a deal as people make it out to be.
everyone hypes it up to be some important milestone. The start of adulthood.... the end of childhood... being legal. but for me it was just like any other birthday.
actually it was more low key that most birthdays. i always used to love celebrating my birthday - a party and being the center of attention? definitely something i want to prolong for as long as possible.
but not this year.

i had a very very lowkey thing in my room. just drinks and a couple of friends. and then on the day itself, it was just another lazy sunday for me. i went to costco, watched tv, chilled with some friends and it was pretty much perfect. i was perfectly content and am perfectly content.

this was the first birthday i had in a long time where i wasn't anyone's priority, and it was nice. i never thought i would like it but i do. i like being no one's priority and not having anyone has my priority. it's independent and liberating rather than lonely and depressing. it's surprising to be content not knowing what i want, but simply knowing what i don't want.

next time...

i am going to reach for the stars. i want butterflies. and i'm not going to settle for anything less.

but for now. i could do with some fun.

sigh. some people seriously don't get me.

i seriously don't want to turn twentyone. i pretend like i'm excited... but i'm not.
this is the first birthday i am seriously dreading.

it's weird how little things can change your mood so quickly.
I woke up this morning feeling bluer than the pacific ocean. it was cold - or at least as cold as it gets at stanford - and early and i had to finish up the last bits of my poorly attempted take home midterm (let's not talk/think about that). Sleep deprivation, cold and the guilty feeling of not trying hard enough in school are three lethal combinations for my mood.

six hours later. back in bed, done with class, midterm free for the rest of the year and ready to nap and i'm feeling much more like a sunny yellow - yes colors are a great way to express moods. napping makes my life infinitely better. i also love my bed. i spend at least half of my time at stanford in my bed - sleep, study, procrastinating - it's all done right here. surrounded by pillows and my comforter... absolute bliss.

simple things make me really happy. i realize i don't need to be somewhere exotic to feel content. I'd probably be happier going home for a week than on an african safari. okay... not true because I am DYING to go on an African safari. but something similar of the sorts.... like visiting some really amazing exciting city like NYC doesn't quite compare to the comforts of watching tv in my pjs. yes i am really excited for a week of going to london and doing nothing - potentially a waste of my plane ticket, but it's the people I go to see not the city.

dear ______,

I sincerely hope that you and _____ will meet and fall in love forever. Trust me, I never thought I would feel this way either. I almost wish I didn't...

Best Wishes,
Wendi

in continuance of the list of three

three places I want to be in right now.

1. In room 228 of 680 Lomita Dr, Stanford CA (yes just upstairs) with whitney next door at her laptop, me on my bed and tintin sitting in the doorway in between our rooms.

2. In my mom's bed in our London flat

3. in someone's back garden reading book seven of harry potter for the first time. again.

three things that I would wish for

1. the ability to control the way i feel
i wish i could make myself like someone or not like someone just like that. it's kind of calculating and cold and emotionless but that would make life so much easier. imagine... he checks all the right boxes - yes i like you. perfect. uncomplicated. simple. yes i like this.

2. knowing what i want
what's worse than not getting what you want? not knowing what you want. i don't mean like i want an ice cream, or i want an i-phone. but i want to know what i want that would make me happy.

3. unlimited sleep time
seriously i never get enough sleep. i don't know why i choose to sleep later just to watch tv. sleep trumps everything. being able to fall asleep when you want would be pretty sweet for a occasional insomniac like myself too. picture this. lying wide awake at 8:30am this morning. the one day this week that I can actually sleep in.

now i need to go find a genie. or some sort of mind control technique. whichever is easiest.

just listen

if this week was a movie the soundtrack would consist of:


1. Like A Boy - Ciara
"What if I? Had a thing on the side? Made ya cry? Would the rules change up? Or would they still apply? If I played you like a toy?"

2. What I've Done - Linkin Park
"I'll face myself, To cross out what i’ve become, Erase myself, And let go of what i’ve done"

3. Do You? - NeYo
"I just wonder... Do you ever... think of me anymore? Do you?"

4. Can't Let You Go - Fabolous ft. Mike Shorey
"I really wanna be with you. But I gotta be real with you. I can't leave you alone. And I know I'm living wrong. But I can't let you go"

5. My Stupid Mouth - John Mayer
"My stupid mouth has got me in trouble. I said too much again..."

6. Good Things - Rich Boy
"I don't wanna spend forever with you baby just tonight..."

delete

deleting my old posts was extremely therapeutic.

now if only i could delete real things that actually happen to me.

or ctrl+alt+delete

that would be real nice.

click click

wow.... i haven't blogged in over a year. i get tired of things pretty easily. obsession, addiction, boredom - that's my usual pattern. Unfortunately that's not just with activities and things, it's with people too. i am definitely the kind of person who gets super into something(or someone) and thinks its the best thing(person) in the world, and two days later: what was i thinking?

Fickle. That's the word for people like me. wendi goh = fickle
and so far i'm okay with that. it doesn't keep me up at night. although some tiny part of my mind is slightly concerned for future repercussions on relationships but that's wayyy out in the distant future, right? at least this is what i try to tell myself.

yes i do talk to myself. isn't that what everyone does on some level? people who blog or write in some sort of diary definitely talk to themselves. yes, yes, you blog for other people's benefit, but what it comes down to is you clicking away at your computer recording your thoughts. whether it's reflective or informative is all down to style. i know you are really talking to yourself. really.

i hate capital letters. i wonder if people get annoyed at that? i think people who use capital letters and perfect punctuation in casual forms of writing i.e. facebook wall posts are kind of anal. i'm sure they think i'm to some degree illiterate.

but yes i realize i have really missed this form of talking to myself. so i guess new old current obsession is blogging revived. i wonder how long this will last for fickle old me.