it's scary to go from everything to nothing. but that nothing is not really nothing. it is a facade of nothing. an attempt to erase the everything. but you can never erase everything and get nothing, no matter how hard you try. there are some things you want to forget and somethings you hope will be never be forgotten. but the nothing remnants of everything are a mismatch of everything in between.

part of that nothing is a fragile unspoke promise to preserve the nothingness. is dangerous that the nothingness can become an ugly everything-ness, and it's all out of your control. you are powerless for your own fate, but in complete control of someone else's. powerlessness control. everything and nothing.

it is 8:37am in Kuala Lumpur and 1:37am in London.

neither time acceptable to call someone several thousand miles away.

i need to talk them, badly. i hate being separated.

the more i think about it. the more MAD i get.

*inhale. exhale. inhale. exhale*

is this the green monster finally?