i want something more that isn' t there. the almosts and the nearlys aren't quite good enough. in fact they make it all the more frustrating.

i have this idea in my mind about why i just can't quite get there and what i can do to change it. but to be honest i'm unsure if i'm just deluding myself or not. nevertheless i am still unable to change it. so maybe this is my twisted way of justifying not being strong enough to change.

we are creatures of habit and change is hard. this is not a change that i am afraid of. this is a change that i fear i am not strong enough to achieve.